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Tashikani

the end there is little to do. Is an inconstant inconstant in any way you put. From Easter to now has been a declining one, I have not done anything but angry, do nothing, do not go out, not fun, time for love to steal, steal time to not know who to be happy and shut myself up in a sea of lies in order to suffer less.

ALL THIS WILL 'NEVER AN END?

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not believe it.

not believe it. I do not. I can not believe. If you believe it, I die, my mother does not start. Not handle the fuck. No paradise with David. Nothing at all.

THAT ENOUGH BALLS TO INFINITE
NOT 'JUST NOT
' GIUSTOOOOO ç_ç

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A bit sad ...

I am a little sad, though I can not really tell you why . My mother goes to Easter, David is so much fun here and there. I wish someone would come to dinner Saturday night at my house but I really fear to ask why as well as Diana did not really know who to call ... but I'm really so friendless? Not to mention that long ago I sent a message on facebook to Xausa ... asking for help. And she did not yet responded .. and I do not know what to think because I thought it was really a friend of mine even though we never talked about such things and such, maybe they are scared, maybe not ... maybe and only a little careless, or as Thomas does not mind that certain things or I do not consider her a true friend, maybe he does not think it's one of those people with whom you can talk if you have problems ...
Or maybe I just consider ... And maybe
is good ...

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Too tired ... A problem solved

Too tired to write something with a meaning so I will do it tomorrow, editing this post! Kisses

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Finally I can write in Jun's color! :) 
Today was again a strange day, but somehow was a relief. Today me and my boyfriend argued about easter holidays. For those that don't know the situation I will summarize the story. Me and my boyfriend live in two different cities: I live in Turin and he lives in Milan. They aren't too far...the main problem is that my mother is a bit too protective and she doesn't think that I am enought old for a love story and that is too early for being in love. But I love him too much for listen to this bullshit, so I decided to continue my relationship until I wanted to. I have some problem with money lately, so he often come over here in Turin but he can't come during the week because we have classes so he came often during the weekend. But during the weekend, my mum is at home so she don't want to see anybody...we are forced to pass our sundays outside, no matter the weather, because my mum is too strict. This is absurd, isn't it? 
Sometimes we argue because I feel that he is unhappy with me because we can't live a normal relationship but during the time we spent toghether he was always comprehensive with me. The holidays are always a good chance to be toghether for more than one day, so we must take advantages of it as much as we can, but, as you can imagine, is not so easy. So today we finally face the issue of trying to be toghether during this holidays but we argued for 2 hours or such. 
I was really terrified because I was going to lose him for real and the idea really scares me to death. He really rapresent an istitution to me, something that I can live without it. 
Before him, I had a boyfriend, now ex obviously, that I was used to like very much but we got tired of the situation, the same situation that I live now with him. Maybe he is stronger than him or he only love me more than the other, but the fact is that I asked a few hours for thinking about the situation and the probable solution to our problem. I thought also about the possibility to break up with him. But I thought, and I still think it, that is impossible to live without him. 
Finally I can say that I'm so in love with a person that I can also make some project with him, something that doesn't smell of heaviness or compromise, but it seems to be happy and glorious. 
Probably, today was the day when I discovered what love a person really means. And I'm happy. So happy. 

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Saving Xaus

E con il colore di Ohno, chiudiamo la cinquina. Eh sì, perchè i colori dei testi erano decisi sulla base dei colori degli Arashi (non sono fissata, no!).
Ho appena trovato un blog che could really be interesting about the Arashi ...:) Tomorrow I think I will give some news to Xaus that, among other things, informed me that there is a wonderful little program to see the Japanese television o_O

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What news meravigliosaaa ç___ç About
some Xaus, today I did something absurd
xDD I try to tell even if it is not easy to make perfect the EPIC FAIL that I could do. After the lesson of Kobayashi, we move all around our homes and not even time to get out that Xaus had already disappeared o_O /
Bikkurishita! So I thought I had greeted me as usual but I had not noticed, partly because the loud music does not do very well in the ears, so let's say that I do not feel very well ^ ^ "
Howewer, we say goodbye to everyone after a wonderful time when I've had for 2 seconds the impression of being returned to the medium ... the atmosphere has been the funny, it was the fact that I had the glasses and then I feel as in those days, the fact is I do for a healthy Xaus doing bad comments on the fact that his computer will not work because it's fucking pink but Xaus continues to say no (of course xD A is CAZZATE ROSA). However, do I say goodbye and pesto un piede per sbaglio. Mi metto a ridere, le chiedo scusa sempre ridendo come una deficiente e perdo l'equilibrio, ma non cado perchè nel panico prendo una tetta di  Xausì   per reggermi...

O//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////O 
and I Xaus we burst out laughing like the idiot, I really could not stand, especially because it happened in front of everyone but no one has noticed anything xD


Xaus I love you! :) But tell me that they are an idiot xDD

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~ David & Stephanie shook

Already stray. Azz.
Vabbeh, but they are justified, both yesterday and today were the days stressful, tiring and busy. We start from the very beginning.
April 5, 2009 ~ Sunday ~ ♥ David Stefania

E 'and I get up Sunday morning to pick up David. I think a nice program, pretty intense. Those who have not yet had the pleasure to get in touch with the undersigned closely you will realize in reading this posting that I am a little masochistic to me.
Maya comes to wake me with his meow I always open my heart. When I see David peeping out from the subway, I'm really open wide the eyes of joy. I laugh, smile, meow (why yes, when I'm happy meow). We walked around downtown, undecided what to do. We wanted to go to the park to relax but the weather was quite ambiguous and therefore we did not know how. At the end we went to the park, lying on a blanket that does not even know from which planet were e. .. we recovered the 2-week distance. We talked, joked, laughed, made fun of the strange color combinations that we saw around ... the usual words. At 5 we were tired, and as usual I had some things back in to do that night so David decided to take the train. Kawaii ~ I'm feeling
stupid blog to tell you all this way why do not minimize the idea of that day, our conversation in English, of our fantastic spammed in real .. . ♥ this is love.

Monday April 6, 2009 ~ ~ shook

This morning I come to class late. Fault of my "outstanding matters" on Sunday. Shower, hair replaced by the Danish study, almost purely useless. For a second I'm afraid to be done on another planet. Will stress since Monday morning, the lack of a high rate of caffeine in my veins but I really do not recognize anything around me. It seems a different world, almost free .... I can not describe the feeling I had, I think of all affected by the lack of Diana and Federica, faithful companions during the long days of universities, by my side during most of the day, it was my total lack of confidence because of Today I had to put glasses (eye infection, -.-) or maybe because for the first time I'm taking the university as a serious matter, the fact is that I felt strange, is in a good way in which a bad way.
Flight to Denmark to take a test that do not even know, even if something I write. And then followed the other lessons, although we can not certainly say that they are moving quickly, not that. But the biggest news was undoubtedly that of the earthquake in Italy that made me tremble with fear for good 2 minutes and still shocked me.
But this is not the place to talk about it nor for polemicizzare .
'm just shaken by the question: "What if ...".

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What about today ... Crazy

Today Was Some Of Those Day When you think "I'm not sure I want to live a day like this never again". Today, like yesterday, I was full of those worries that I tried to leave behind writing on this blog and obviosly without any success. Open again a blog is very important to me because I'm not used anymore to write something about my life and I really don't have time to think about what is REALLY going on. But somehow I did it, I managed to live until now, mantaining a wonderful love story with my boyfriend that, even this time, was ready for me at the right moment, I still have some friends behind my back, ready to help me and to be helped by me. Now I know that I am what I want to be. Maybe I'm not perfect, but I am a human, I'm sensitive, I'm stupid and I am a collection of contraddictions. All rolled into one, with a big ribbon on it. 
I don't know what I want but somehow I know who to get what I call the "little aims": some freedom that I deserve from years that now I am able to conquer by myself and with the help of the others. 
I live for a dream. My dreams are my fuel. And this must be my only aim for living this life that isn't what I really want but at least is here. 
I will not escape from the bad news. I will not hide in the corner waiting for the sunlight. I'm afraid, actually. But my love for the people that really want me here Keeps me alive, and Encourage me to move on, step by step, little by little.


You will be proud of me someday.

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just because I write in Italian at heart I am ashamed to make mistakes and the resulting huge figures of shit. Every time I think the evening, I think of all the things back in the day that I have avoided making but most of all I'm thinking to rest, sweet peace temporarily, before returning to full speed in daily life.
I wonder why I see life as a stress, weight that brings nothing but worries. I have no desire to get rid of it, especially because unlike past years I really missed something important and that my decision would affect too many lives.
My life is in a small bird cage, hanging near a window, with a view on the profiles of the distant buildings of the city. I do not know what color it is, I have not ever taken care of, but I am heartened that dream away tears and still a smile, in what might seem like a life without purpose or hope.
A small happiness, locked up in bars iron, finished with a small door, closed. And so the seasons pass, and as the sun makes its cycle, even the city changes, changing its shape, growing up, and destroying ricoponendosi as if it were made by giant lego. How I would like to be part of that change! As for what I want to have the power ... I'd have the courage to fly away.
Why after years of the cage was opened. But wait cautiously for the right moment, it is the duty of all good birds? You know when you're happy with the success of others, almost vivendone, aspiring to their skill. The people thanks you with his head, makes you a smile and moves on, as if he knew of not having to the same courtesy. As if you had done for acknowledging, as it was the only way to be appreciated.
But respect, in most reports, is never give and take, but almost always points to nothing. So respect for yourself you build it in your head, where people you admire make you a goddess. Where you dance well, sings well, drive well, always smile, you have a perfect life. Where everyone look at you with eyes wide open as you are beautiful, nice and wonderful. A world that is in a small iron cage and do not really bother the item master. A little oasis of happiness away from the reality that awaits you each morning.
I never dream things I can not have, I always dream that all those for granted. For years, my little cage was my world, enriched by the false appearances of people who were part of the real world, that's my view. And now that the cage is open, I do not want to go out. Get out of here there are things that are not used to it, difficult things, discussions, tormented love, people who do not listen to you and you do not admire the way you want. When you get home then, there are other solutions ... I forgive dream, around the room, all of the time when you have so much envy make you feel appreciated for your wonderful qualities ... but Meanwhile, they are not cultivated. I'm afraid I do not want to get out of here.
I do not have the relationship I want, I'm surrounded by people who do not understand the greatness of the things they have and not complain, putting themselves at the center of the universe without thinking of others, other people give too much importance to a component of their lives and basically, never having experienced the cage, do not know what it means to lose the happiness seeing others with a smile on his face.
When the only thing you see is the afflievolisce your smile in the mirror, the desire to live the reality fades.
I feel I'm losing my life, little by little. I'm letting that slip, making important life pretending. I think sometimes being crazy for wanting to live a fake life as wonderfully perfect and I feel even more stupid to look for answers in people who maybe thought I was crazy for years.

I feel like shit.

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Dear diary

My name is Stephanie, but maybe you already knew this. Japanese study at the University of Turin, not exactly the best in the world, but perhaps not the most disgusting as an organization. I live in a small neighborhood near downtown in my city and I honestly can not wait to get out of this little bland and dull, where diversity is a key factor in judging a person.
It would be wonderful to get away and take in a country where the differences are not "differences" but are normal in the bourgeois sense of the word. I never thought about God's existence, let's say that during these years I never raised the problem of good or look good in front of a superior entity to judge my actions. My family is very Christian and I know this tells you something of my life. I do not like dancing, I do not like the music business, I do not like to show my belly to look more pussy, girls hate idiots who believe God and I firmly believe that a person must be nice to have a minimum of spiritual value.
A black sheep in other words.
for this are contained in the space of my room, the only place where I really feel at home without any exceptions. I can be what I want when I close that door open when everything is locked up in my body from 60 kg.
My gaze is turned towards the east, east and hope to reach a soon. This blog is a challenge because it's been so long since vent my frustrations on a virtual blog .... but above all is a challenge to my fickle desire never to bring out what I do.

Let's try
.