Hell's Kitchen Is Staged

Hello everybody.
That Sometimes I know my post can be terrible and soulful somekind of boring But today is an important day.

Today is a terrible anniversary and no , I do not want to talk about it.

I've passed my Entire Existence to moan about my life, my friends, my look and all the things that are around me, just because my expectation of life and living are similar to a telefilm where everything is perfect and none have a problem. 

Jesus. 

Why can't I be realist? Why can't I be happy for the things that I manage to achieve? I can breathe, I can walk, I can see, I can love, I have an house, I can talk to the word, I can express what I need to express...what is the problem? 

What I expect to do? 

EXPECTATION: this is the key word. Everytime I do something I expect that it all will develope in one way, without any exception. 

But sometimes, even your friends will delude you, they will say something that will break your heart in a thousand of pieces, and you will die for the disappointment. 

And you will be the only one to suffer. 

I'm so anxious to live a perfect life that I can't see the good things. I fell so ungrateful to all the people that did so much for me, just to see a smile on my face. 

That's the point. I wanted more, and I didn't realize what really matters, what a person really needs. I don't need to get out every night, to go to the disco or to eat in a resturant every saturday. 
I need to see my grandsons grow, I need to see my boyfriend smile, to laugh with my bestfriend like little kids. 
I need to comfort my friends from pain and grief, I need to feel the others' love.  

I need to feel like a human being, not a number. 
I'm tired to be someone that the others don't really know, she is a stranger even to me. 

I want to live my life. And I will decide how, where and with who.

That's all.